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Random joke:
I stopped celebrating as soon as I realised I’d misunderstood the news my girlfriend broke to me earlier.
…I thought she meant Spears.share
I stopped celebrating as soon as I realised I’d misunderstood the news my girlfriend broke to me earlier.
…I thought she meant Spears.share
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My wife said to me, “I’m sick of you being very immature. Any more of it and I’m leaving you.”
I said, “I’m sorry.”
She said, “Well at least you apologised.”
I said, “No, I just farted, hehe.”share
I said, “I’m sorry.”
She said, “Well at least you apologised.”
I said, “No, I just farted, hehe.”share
I’m not sayin my wife is ugly but when she just opened the door to trick or treaters, they gave HER sweets!share
A man is driving his five year old to a friends house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douchebag!” the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. “Your father just said a bad word,” he says. “I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesnt make it right, and I dont ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too late, douchebag.”share
They say that children are our most valuable natural resource.
I agree. In fact, I’ve already started drilling.share
I agree. In fact, I’ve already started drilling.share
I was driving my nerdy kid to school the other day, when he turned to me and said “Dad, how do I become cool, like you?”
I said “Son, there’s 2 simple rules: 1 Always act cool, and 2 Never be seen with losers. Now, get out.”
He said “But Dad, schools a half mile away!”
“Rule 2 son, rule 2.”share
I said “Son, there’s 2 simple rules: 1 Always act cool, and 2 Never be seen with losers. Now, get out.”
He said “But Dad, schools a half mile away!”
“Rule 2 son, rule 2.”share
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