Jokes - Sayings And Words

Random joke:

I walked past a beggar today with a dog. I thought, “how can he afford to keep a dog if he can’t even afford to feed himself?”
Some people have got more money than sense.share

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My Mother needs a kickstand to stand up straight…
her name is Eileen.share

I used to be best mates with my acupuncturist.
But he stabbed me in the back.share

I smoked weed when I was in university.
I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, I even did it in rain, but I did not inhale.share

Personally, I don’t understand why you’d keep your sewing kit in a haystack in the first place.share

I was late for one of my lectures at university the other day. Upon walking in, the lecturer stopped and stared at me and said disdainfully, ‘Come on then, go and sit with your friends’.
So I went back home.share

everythings all gonna be ok in the end,, if its not ok,, ITS NOT THE ENDshare

I took a photo of the thing I use to play my guitar.
It was a lovely pic.share

I came in from work earlier to see my son crying on the stairs in hysterics. “What’s wrong matey?” I asked him.
“Daddy, I’m having trouble with the girls at school!” he cried.
I thought it was time…I gave him the inevitable talk about ‘the birds and the bees’ and he sat there and listened.
When I was done he paused…”That’s fine daddy but it’s not that. They wont let me play with their barbies at lunch time and said my legs are too hairy to wear a skirt.”
He lives with his uncle now.share

Do dyslexic Yorkshiremen wear catflaps?share

I’ve been playing poker on Facebook.
So far I’ve poked 113 women, but not a one of them have poked me back.share

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