Jokes - Dirty And Sexy

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I like to tell people exactly how many volts my stun gun outputs, just for the shock value.share



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A dick has a sad life. His hair`s a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor`s an asshole, his bestfriend`s a pussy, and his owner beats him.share


My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."share


Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.share


One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you`re not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny ...Read Moreshare


My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn`t a good answer.share


A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It`s about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It`s going to bite one of my customers and I`m going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it`s a tame alligator. I`ll prove it to you."
...Read Moreshare


girl - baby im wet.
Boy - want a paper towel?
Girl - no, i want more then that ;)
Boy - want 2 paper towels?
Girl - no, baby i want sumthing big and round ;)
Boy - damn you want the whole roll?share



A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." share


Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
...Read Moreshare


A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I`m going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I`m going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
...Read Moreshare


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