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I created an amazing new iPad app that would instantly turn its user into a pretentious douche.
Apple rejected it, saying it duplicated core functionality.share

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No means No! (and nitrogen monoxide)share

Save on unnecessary laundry by simply attaching a strip of Gaffer Tape to the gusset area of your favourite undies every couple of days as a handy skid catcher.share

TVGUIDE: 10pm tonight, The Inbetweeners..
Channel: Facebookshare

I joined a bobsleigh team a few years ago.
It all went downhill from there.share

I just covered my nuts in chocolate and dunked them in my girlfriend’s mouth.
Who says I don’t know how to Treat a lady?share

I spelt ‘cripple’ using one P while playing a game of scrabble last night.
Apparently it’s an invalid word.share

Whenever I tell my wife that we’re leaving, I always say “Let’s bounce.”
Not because I think it sounds better than “Let’s move.”
I just like to remind her that she doesn’t have any legs.share

The other day in a night club while looking across the room I caught a glimpse up a girls skirt and saw she had “Eat Me” branded across the front of her thong.
I chuckled to myself for a moment and then thought, why would anyone want to eat underwear?share

I’m selling a book on undercover surveillance on eBay. I don’t have any watchers yet.
Or do I??share

So many kittens, so few recipes.share

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