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I just got on a bus with a bloke who works for Tesco.
I said, “Come and sit next to me mate.”
He said, “I offered to take the shopping to your car.”
I said. “I know you did, my car is on my drive.”share
I said, “Come and sit next to me mate.”
He said, “I offered to take the shopping to your car.”
I said. “I know you did, my car is on my drive.”share
I saw a lorry turned over and ablaze today. The driver was trapped in the cab and as flames began to lick at his feet, he screamed, “Quick, there’s an extinguisher in the back.”
As I walked away with it I thought, “What a generous bloke.”share
As I walked away with it I thought, “What a generous bloke.”share
I have a secret that I’ve hidden for a long time… I like Children. I’ve have a hidden folder on my laptop just in case someone sees it and I haven’t told any friends in case they shun me. I’m just going to have to face it… Liking Robert Miles’ music just ain’t cool any more.share
I hate it when people steal quotes from movies.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.share
It makes me angry, and you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.share
I was asked if I’ve ever fallen asleep whilst driving.
I said “Not that I remember, but I have woken up driving several times”share
I said “Not that I remember, but I have woken up driving several times”share
A man walked in to a Catholic Church, dying for a drink. He desperately ran over to the Holy Water and began to drink. Almost immediately, the man began to choke, and spat the water back out.
A Catholic Priest, baffled, stormed over to the man and asked him what the matter was.
“This water is disgusting!”, the man yelled, “What’s wrong with it?!”
The Catholic Priest, slightly insulted, took a step back.
“It’s about seven years old, why are you doing that?!”
To which the man replied,
“I could be asking you the same thing!”share
A Catholic Priest, baffled, stormed over to the man and asked him what the matter was.
“This water is disgusting!”, the man yelled, “What’s wrong with it?!”
The Catholic Priest, slightly insulted, took a step back.
“It’s about seven years old, why are you doing that?!”
To which the man replied,
“I could be asking you the same thing!”share
Defy the government at the start of British Summer Time by refusing to put your clocks forward at 2.00 in the morning. ‘Save’ the hour for later in the day. You still get your lie-in and you can fast forward your day when it suits you, like when there is nothing on telly.share
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