Jokes

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Random joke:

My uncle is a farmer, a few months ago he was harvesting his crops.He was driving his combine harvester through his field when he accidentally ran over a drunken scratter asleep on the floor. There was blood, sovereign rings, Kappa tracksuit and Burberry all over the place. It took him ages to sort the wheat from the chav.share



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November 10th, 2009. The day the world sat still screaming at the tele.share


I just got on a bus with a bloke who works for Tesco.
I said, “Come and sit next to me mate.”
He said, “I offered to take the shopping to your car.”
I said. “I know you did, my car is on my drive.”share


Why don’t Jews eat brussel sprouts?
It gives them gasshare


Authorities want to set up a national database of paedophiles on the internet. Ive already found one. Its called Facebookshare


My Mother needs a kickstand to stand up straight…
her name is Eileen.share


I used to be best mates with my acupuncturist.
But he stabbed me in the back.share



I smoked weed when I was in university.
I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, I even did it in rain, but I did not inhale.share


Personally, I don’t understand why you’d keep your sewing kit in a haystack in the first place.share


Me and my girlfriend have a great relationship.
We never stop talking to each other about things, and we both like things the other has to say, which is always good in a great relationship.
We send gifts to each other, the other day she sent me a cake, she’s so lovely!
We do lots of things together, we bowl against each other, we like to do things at a local farm and help each other out, which any great couple would do.
We even like to hot it up a bit, like just the other day I was poking her for over an hour.
I love Facebook.share


It’s all gravy baby!
This is the worst roast dinner ever.share


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