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For the record……
I don’t own a turntable.share

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A man walked in to a Catholic Church, dying for a drink. He desperately ran over to the Holy Water and began to drink. Almost immediately, the man began to choke, and spat the water back out.
A Catholic Priest, baffled, stormed over to the man and asked him what the matter was.
“This water is disgusting!”, the man yelled, “What’s wrong with it?!”
The Catholic Priest, slightly insulted, took a step back.
“It’s about seven years old, why are you doing that?!”
To which the man replied,
“I could be asking you the same thing!”share

The best place to hide a body is on Page 2 of Google’s search results.share

Whats the point in those Tescos self service check-outs, if you have to call a member of staff to put in their code for every other item?share

Defy the government at the start of British Summer Time by refusing to put your clocks forward at 2.00 in the morning. ‘Save’ the hour for later in the day. You still get your lie-in and you can fast forward your day when it suits you, like when there is nothing on telly.share

So I was laying in bed with my girlfriend last night, when I decided to ‘check-in’ using my Facebook app.
It was then that I saw, so had 29 others.share

So I heard MegaVideo was taken down today.
I propose we have 72 minutes of silence in rememberance.share

My wife’s leaving me due to my obsession with Cadbury’s chocolates.
Let’s have a celebration.share

I found an old unframed oil painting in my loft yesterday of a beautiful naked lady
so i mounted itshare

Police have arrested six pregnant chav`s and charged them for growing their own dope.share

Dimmed lights, bursting bladders, six urinals, one with clingfilm over the top – Russian toilette.share

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