Jokes - Kids

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The definition of irony
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – Fear of long words.share

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Raising kids is like being held hostage by midget terrorists!share

I walked into a room in the hospital to find a man and woman sobbing.
I said, “I’d like to offer my condolences.”
They said, “No you don’t understand, we’ve just had a baby.”
I said, “I know, I can see it, it’s minging”share

Crock’s
The best way of showing your kids you hate themshare

I couldn’t be bothered getting my son a costume for his dress up day at school today, so just told him to take the laptop with him.
“How’s that dressing up?” my son asked.
“Easy, just tell them your a pirate” I replied.share

You know it’s cold outside when the dead babies in your shed turn into microwave meals.share

It’s really difficult finding things to do with the kids during the holidays.
My eldest wanted to go and see Cars and the youngest wanted to go to the park.
We’ve had to compromise, so we’re in Asda’s carpark.share

As I slowly slipped my index finger into my daughters ring she started screaming “please daddy no, stop it, I hate you. That’s it I’m telling mummy.”
“Oh Jessica please don’t tell your mum, I won’t do it again, I’m so sorry….. I’ll buy you another packet Haribo rings.share

A little girl observes at the beach something between a little boy’s legs and goes to her mother asking:
- Mammy, why don’t I have that between my legs?
- Patience darling, patience!share

Finally. . .
I’ve been staring at those After Eights all day.share

Contrary to what the experts say, I’ve always found that if I leave my kids alone they’re generally quite well behaved.
Especially when I leave them alone on the central reservation of the M1share

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Jokes - Kids - 3