Jokes - Mystics

Random joke:

My girlfriend’s easy going.
She has irritable bowels.share

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Definition of an amateur magician; someone who can make anything disappear, except their virginity.share

My wife was furious when I quit my job to become a magician but I’ve now mastered the sawing a lady in half trick and will be doing my first show tonight.
Shame she won’t be there but sometimes these things take a couple of tries to get it right.share

The Hogwarts episode of Cribs is the worst. Every room they went in, someone says, “This is where the magic happens.”share

I read my horoscope this morning and it said, “You will be lead to believe something on false pretences even though it isn’t true, you must avoid being taken in by it.”
So I’m never going to read my horoscope again.share

I’ve made up one of those notices to stick on my door and keep away the ‘trick or treaters’.
It says ‘Ring the bell to get your parents a job’.share

I went round my gran’s last night.
She suddenly started crying and said, “Ignore me – I’m just a silly sentimental old fool.”
So I switched the telly on and watched the football.share

Statistically, 13 out of 13 triskaidekaphobics will be scared of this joke.share

I asked Medusa if she’d just had her hair done.
If looks could kill.share

Last night, our son came up to our room and asked if he could sleep in our bed because he was afraid of the monster in his closet.
It’s already the third time this week, I hope his girlfriend doesn’t mind.share

Snoop Dogg: I want to be a vampire.
Well he sucks already……..maybe he means he wants to be white.share

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