Jokes - Dirty And Sexy - 5

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Random joke:

When my son was born, I wanted to pick an unusual name, and also name him after someone famous.
He’s definitely the only Spongebob, in his school.share



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Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can`t use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.share


Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.share


boy: spell "me"
girl: M-E
boy: but you forgot the D
girl: there`s no D in me
boy: not yet ;)share


Me: Can I call an officer a pussy?
Cop: No.
Me: Can I call a pussy `officer?`
Cop: I guess you could...
Me: Goodnight, officershare


My colleague said to me, "I bet you can`t see your dick when you look down in the shower."
"No, just your daughter`s head," I replied.share


My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn`t move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I`ve seen this on YouPorn, it`s called Buffering.share


I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.share


Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever.
Me: What`s that hunny?
Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk.
Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I`ll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?






"Is it rape if it`s your wife?"
"I don`t think so."
"What a relief! I thought you`d be mad as hell!"share


I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."share



My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.share


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