Jokes - Humans

Random joke:

A penis says to his balls Rright lads lets get ready an i'll take us both to a party." The balls reply "you fuckin liar, you always go inside and leave us outside banging on the backdoor!!"share

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My daughters boyfriend asked, “Do you think it’s ok to make fun of AIDS?”
I said, “Sure, that’s why we called her it.”share

Whenever I tell my wife that we’re leaving, I always say “Let’s bounce.”
Not because I think it sounds better than “Let’s move.”
I just like to remind her that she doesn’t have any legs.share

My dad told me that the quiet times with the one you love is what makes you happiest.
He’s always smiling at mums grave.share

My gran’s one of those people who thinks a cup of tea is the answer to everything.
And the daft bat still wonders why she didn’t get past the first round of Mastermind.share

I thought i would make the mother in laws room more comfy as she is staying for a while , i just don’t know where to put the bikes and the lawn mower.share

An argument recently overheard in a primary school playground.
“Your Mum’s like a double decker bus… there’s always room for one more on top.”
“Yeah, well YOUR MUM’S like a double decker… she only costs a pound to ride and kids under five go free.”share

If I become my parents, I’ll be an alcoholic blonde running around chasing after twenty year old men…..or I’ll become my mom.share

Our family were so poor when I was a child, my brother and I had to share everything.
Mind you, you should see how quick I am on one roller skate.share

My wife tried to buy something online yesterday.
….Anyone knows how to get a credit card out of a floppy drive ?share

“Sit up straight at the dinner table!” said my wife to my son.
“Why?” he asked. “Dad doesn’t.”
“That’s because he’s spineless,” she replied.
I really should say something but I don’t want to cause a fuss.share

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Jokes - Humans - Family