Jokes - Dirty And Sexy

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According to news reports, the esteemed adventurer Scott Campbell Smith was captured by cannibals in the Gambia and pushed into a boiling pot of water to which salt, pepper and many herbs were added.
A fitting end for a seasoned explorer…share

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A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes. He probably hasn`t seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you." The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn`t kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute. So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love you too."share

I think some girls should be restricted from wearing yoga pants.
I just saw a camel toe that looked like a queen size mattress folded in half.share

It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman... it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.share

69% of people will automatically find what`s wrong with this sentence.share

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I`m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."share

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"share

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".share

Today a woman got breast implants made of wood. A punchline here would be funny...
Wooden tit?share

Superman is flying over a building jaking off when he sees wonder women finguring herself he figures since he is the speeding bullet he can fly down so fast and f*ck her and fly back up before she even gets to notice so he does and she goes what the f*ck was that and the invisible man says I don`t know but my ass hole hurtsshare

Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.share

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Jokes - Dirty And Sexy - 11