Jokes - Sayings And Words - Advices

Random joke:

On the first day of school my Dad gave me some lunch money.
It tasted awful.share

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Excuse me if I sound rude, but if your greatest achievement in the world of work has been getting a job as a careers advisor, then the very last thing I would ever want from you is advice on my career.share

Old Biddies – Easter will neither be ‘very late’ nor ‘very early’ this year. So that’s one less pointless conversation you can have with each other.share

Never milk a joke.
Unless it’s a cow joke.share

“Use only as directed.” Really? I’m taking pills, not performing on Broadway.share

I hate being asked for directions in the street. So I usually just make something up, like – “Take a right at the traffic lights. Go down the 2nd turning on the left and you can’t miss it”.
Then hope I never see them ever again.
It’s not always easy being a copper.share

If alcohol isn’t the answer, then obviously the wrong question is being asked.share

Never trust a plumber who wears wellies.share

Drivers: When you see those ‘accident blackspot’ signs you should speed up. You don’t want to hang about in dangerous places.share

If you put a frog into a pan tepid water and slowly heat it up, the frog will boil to death. But if you put a frog into already boiling water it will jump out.
Moral of the story? Put a lid on the pan.share

Attention ladies.
If the recycle bin on your boyfriend’s computer is always empty, he’s up to no good.share

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