Jokes - - 10

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After winning the Euromillions, my wife got so excited that she knocked over and smashed the TV.
At first I was a bit pissed off but then I thought, 'Don't be ridiculous ... I can just buy a new one'.
In the end I settled on a six-foot, busty Russian teen.share

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No handbrakes. Thats how i rollshare

If people on Match.com were so brilliant and funny and intelligent, surely they would have girlfriends?share

I was redecorating my room so I left my Friends DVDs across the way from my bed. I stacked my NME magazines on my bedside locker though.
Keep your Friends close and your NMEs closer.share

I asked the librarian for a book about permeable rocks.
“Have a look in Waterstones,” she said.share

Am I the only one who secretly relishes being ill at home so I can see what I look like with a moustache?share

Just quit my job with National rail.
Couldn’t be doing with all the training.share

I keep all my money with my late grandad’s ashes.
After all, a penny saved is a penny urned.share

Rather than run the risk of being known as one of ‘those’ multi-millionaires, I bought this very generous chap’s common sense for fifty million pounds.
We’ll see who’s laughing now.share

I could tell it was a monopoly board from the word go.share

I gave my girlfriend a gluestick instead of chapstick yesterday.
She’s still not talking to me.share

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